Most cereal box characters are sweet and harmless. You’ve got your Trix Rabbits, your Toucan Sams, the Apple Jacks Kids… And then there are the others. I picked out what I think are the 7 most dangerous of all. Here they are, in no particular order:
Cap’n Crunch– This guy has been battling sog monsters for decades. Decades! Battling monsters! Has he ever lost, even once?
Lucky– According to my daughter, leprechauns are creepy. “They’re little, they’re sneaky, and they’re always sticking their tiny heads in your windows.” They also have magical powers bestowed by Irish faeries. Now take these traits and put them into a paranoid leprechaun who thinks that everyone is out to get him. I think Lucky’s about to snap crackle and pop (see what I did there?). Blimey! Watch yer back.
Dig ‘m– Sugar Smacks, Honey Smacks… Doesn’t matter. I think Dig ’em looks suspiciously like a golden dart frog. Brawling would not be worth the risk.
Frankenberry– He’s made of metal. He wears chain link suspenders. He could possibly be related to a bear killer… And even if he attacked you and you tried to fight back and punch him in the neck, you’d probably just bust up your hand on a bolt or something.
Cookie Jarvis– This wizard can turn chocolate chip cookies (made by a dog food company nonetheless) into an acceptable breakfast option. That kind of power is usually reserved for superheroes. Don’t mess with the Jarvis. There might be nothin’ left of you but crumbs.
Did I forget any? Well don’t be shy now. Let’s hear it!